THREE WAYS TO ASK FOR WHAT YOU NEED AND WANT

My friend Kiley and I were sitting chatting one early evening at one of our favorite spots here in LA, Tower Bar. 

I absentmindedly ate the delicious house-made maraschino cherry that came with my $18 mocktail and when I looked down, the bartender had replaced it, so I ate that one too.

That quickly became a running joke between us as he brought me a succession of treats, ranging from the cherries to a small heirloom tomato to a juicy orange slice to a melange of blueberries and raspberries to a pickled beet, dropping them in my drink on a toothpick when I wasn’t looking. 

This culminated with a large warm homemade chocolate chip cookie (also on a toothpick and resting on top of my glass!). 

Maybe these items weren’t exactly what I’d planned on eating for a healthy dinner, but I gladly accepted all of the tasty little snacks in the name of his fun and generosity.  

The very next day, I was thanking my Lyft driver profusely for going above and beyond by helping me put the giant shelving unit I’d decided to buy from a friend into his SUV and move it up the stairs and into my apartment.  

“When you can help, you do,” he said, then told me about when he’d hit a rough patch a few years ago, a friend had hired him for an easy two-hour repair job…and left him an envelope with a thousand dollars in cash as payment. 

Asking for help is nearly impossible for a lot of people (case in point, my Mom, who still mows her own lawn at age 75. Sigh.). 

But simply receiving can be equally as hard. So many people, but especially women, struggle with this: Receiving compliments. Receiving accolades. Even receiving funding for a brilliant business idea (far too often in company-building I’ve witnessed the feminine urge to apologize for asking for “too much.”).

(Yet even stuck in the mud of non-receiving, we ironically try to control and force things, too! I know a lot of people who push and push toward some vaunted ideal, demanding this and that from the universe or people around them, but forget to look around and appreciate all of the good stuff coming to them in that moment.  This spinning-of-wheels shows me that receiving actually does hinge - ironically - in large part on letting go.).

My family always makes fun of me because when one of them buys me something or gives me something or picks up the dinner tab, more often than not I say, “Thank you - I accept!”

Saying that is my way of practicing the receiving; and making it funny makes it easier to do. 

Though they tease me about it, my family members love to give, and for my part, I’m tingling with anticipation for the day (coming soon!) where I’m over-resourced enough to make the lives of my loved ones any amount easier. But that kind of giving has to start - again, ironically - first by getting comfortable receiving.

The final piece is learning to ask for what you need, ask for help, and most importantly, ask for what you want.  

And how anything unfolds is based on the energy you bring to it - that’s where the fun comes in!

So the formula as I see it is: accept (however reluctantly) → receive (happily) → and ask (while not taking it all so seriously)!